Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Tonight.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Tuesday, August 22, 2017 0 comments Links to this post
Tonight
I'm writing letters
you'll never receive,
words you'll
never hear,
stories you'll
never be a part of,
and a distant voice that'll
fade soon,
but here, let me tell you this,
you have the most beautiful hands,
tender yet strong,
unfair yet vulnerable,
they look like they're made to
create something,
they're made to stir something
deep inside all the souls you touch.


Letter to My 18-Year-Old Self.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Tuesday, August 22, 2017 0 comments Links to this post
Dear 18-year-old self,

As the clock strikes 12, you'll find your phone buzzing with texts wishing you a happy birthday. Most of them are strangers, but they'll turn into a family you cannot cut ties with even if they are continents apart. You have an exam tomorrow and it's the first of the many you'll give, this semester. You must have turned 18 now and you must be thrilled, but listen, you're still not an adult. Take it from your 26-year-old self, you'll always be a child to your family. Your grandfather still frets if you don't return home by 7 PM.

Let me tell you a good story now. Right now, you're pretty psyched about future. You must be planning on giving your CAT in three years and settle for whatever pay you the most. You are hoping you'll graduate with a great job offer on hand. Somewhere between working as an intern at several places and hanging out with your friends discussing your dreams, something will snap inside of you. You'll sense a weariness, a strange restlessness settling at the pit of your stomach. You'll never understand where it began and why it has, and the worst part? You'll not even know if it will ever end. You'll grow to call this anxiety your own and you'll give it its own space in your home.

You are so shy it makes me wonder that I was you. So, yeah, heads up: You'll change. God, you'll change so much that you'll probably not recognize yourself if you wake up at 25 now. You will experience colossal losses, which unfortunately will push you in becoming an adult overnight. Don't freak out. You can handle it.

You'll learn to travel, you'll learn to make the best of your finances. Even if it means you overdo shopping. You'll learn to live without regrets, and you'll learn to let go of people and things that aren't meant for you. Maybe grudgingly so, but you will. You'll learn to step out of your comfort zone, and you'll be surprised at the number of times and how constantly you'll do it. Girl, it'll be chaotic, but it'll be worth it. You'll tell stories and write many. More importantly, you'll live them.

Let me tell you the bad things now. Your selfishness might still remain as intact. You'll find pathetic reasons to hurt the ones who love you and you'll also be hurt by people you care deeply for. Learn not to put people on a pedestal. Accept the fact that they're not perfect even if your love for them makes you don rose-tinted glasses when looking at them. They're flawed and broken and in their battle against themselves, you'll end up being a collateral damage. Be kind to them, but never at the cost of losing yourself. Maybe you won't find what you're searching for and your thoughts will definitely be sullied by that very thing. But hey, it's going to be okay. Everything you lose and fail at will only prepare you for the beautiful mess you'll learn to embrace in the years to come.

You will rise and fall, maybe falling more often than rising, and that's okay. Your life won't be a cakewalk, but let me tell you, it will never be boring. There will be something new each day and you'll not have it any other way. You'll breathe, live, and do everything you'll dream of. Don't let anything bog you down because that's not what you are made for.

Learn, please learn to tell better stories and be a good story for others to tell.


Sunday, August 20, 2017

Handful.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Sunday, August 20, 2017 0 comments Links to this post
Put your palms together,
closer,
cup them tight,
let me pour into them
my vulnerabilities, my flaws,
my dreams and broken hopes,
my twisted emotions and ugly parts,
my wishful thinking along with some
other things you might not like,
let me carefully pour more of me,
the stories of my weaknesses and
darknesses,
I shall sweeten them with warm wet kisses
that’ll remind you of winter sunshine
and summer rain,
tell me that my secrets are safe with you,
tell me that you’ll hold them close to your heart,
promise me that you’ll not clasp your hands loose
enough to squander them all away,
but then, that’s what you’ll do,
won’t you?

Tune for the day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn3wJ1_1Zsg

Things I Should Accept.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Sunday, August 20, 2017 0 comments Links to this post
My mother often warned me that my imaginations were too overbearing,
and that I was setting myself up for several series of disappointments,
I assured her that my palms were filled with pixie dust and I blew it into the face of my dreams,
my fingers often traced me back to things that weren't good for me,
books that made me cry, movies that kept me awake in the nights and boys that mercilessly broke my heart,
but I was oddly satisfied
as I went through life with an unapologetic fervour,
I guess I was setting myself up for grand breakdowns and signed up for stories where I never belonged,
she asked me to play safe,
to be cautious and guard my heart,
lock it away from bad things and throw the key away,
instead, I cut my heart open,
loved with a love that was more than love,
bled through my words
built home between the could-bes and the should-bes,
and then, I stopped watering the plants in my balcony,
looks like my mother was right,
I dreamed of nurturing someone else's flowers by ignoring mine,
by opening doors at places where even Sun refused to shine.


 

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