Tuesday, December 05, 2017

How do I go back?

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Tuesday, December 05, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

How do I go back from the sense
of your fingers on my spine
to someone else's?
is there a going back?
will it be all too familiar if I do?

How do I go back from drowning
to floating in love?
will it be less volatile this time?
or will it still shake and shudder
me?

How do I go back from
wanting to discarding the parts of
me that you've touched?
is this a nightmare I'll
wake up from?
or will it be a new dawn?


My book ‘Warm Delinquencies’ is available on Amazon for worldwide shipping. You can order it here: http://bit.ly/2gnn6j9

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Space.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Tuesday, November 28, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

There are long silences
when the Moon sighs,
the Sun endures painful
hours to emerge,
even your racing heartbeat
slows down,
the ghosts of your past too
cannot keep up with you,
you are lost in a world with
no beginnings and no
endings,
the book you're holding
in your arms holds a
forest within itself,
you'll meet a Hemingway, a
Dicken, or an Austen on your way,
stay for a conversation with
Jeeves,
don't go looking for Alice in a
wonderland for
she is content in her solitude,
maybe a Darcy will break your heart,
maybe you won't let him,
but don't stop there,
you'll never know who else you'll
meet,
who else will crumble you
and rebuild you,
make space for more books
and more moon sighs in
your life,
make more space for
yourself.




My book ‘Warm Delinquencies’ is available on Amazon for worldwide shipping. You can order it here: http://bit.ly/2gnn6j9

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Letting go.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Sunday, November 26, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

Something rattled inside me,
I heard a door closing,
bits and pieces of the roof
falling apart,
I saw the Sun setting
at a distance,
coaxing me to believe
how there's no hope left,
I sank deep and found the
sweet pangs of
melancholy,
I probed it with a curiosity
that even a child cannot muster,
if goodbyes are this hard,
what's letting go like?


My book ‘Warm Delinquencies’ is available on Amazon for worldwide shipping. Order it here: http://bit.ly/2gnn6j9

Friday, November 24, 2017

Regrets.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Friday, November 24, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

I tell my therapist how
peculiar and specific my
fears are,
he assures me they aren't
alone,
I tell him I wake up in the
middle of the night,
worrying about ageing,
that someday, I'll turn 50,
with regrets written between
the lines of my palm,
I tell him how the thought
of future keeps me awake
and how terrified I am of
opening my eyes every morning
because I don't want a good dream
to vanish,
he tells me, over and over again,
that I'm young and I have plenty
to look forward to,
I tell him, again and again,
that I live more in past
than the present,
I tell him, how my mind
shouts and yells and rants
inside but my heart can
never fully make sense
of the words,
he asks me to probe,
to take deep breaths,
to breathe in and out,
to let answers come from
within,
so I sit, in the dark,
breathing in and out,
spelling out hope beside
my name,
and wondering if some night
when I'm 50, I wake up
and don't cry out of regrets.


My book ‘Warm Delinquencies’ is available on Amazon for worldwide shipping. Order it here: http://bit.ly/2gnn6j9

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Eventually.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Wednesday, November 22, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

Eventually, we'll withdraw from
each other,
distance will drive a ridge
between us and no amount of
bridges can bring back what's lost,
for what's lost remains lost,
the traces of our presence will
fade,
there will be faint reminders when
we walk past the coffee shops we've
been to
or the places we've watched distasteful
movies at,
the aroma of freshly-baked bread and morning coffee
will be replaced with pungent odours of sulphur and past,
and eventually, someday, we'll lose each other,
we'll drift apart,
just like the clouds do before
a clear sky.


My book ‘Warm Delinquencies’ is available on Amazon for worldwide shipping. To place an order, visit http://bit.ly/2gnn6j9.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Waking up in Binsar.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Saturday, November 18, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

“I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.” ― Mary Anne Radmacher

My first solo trip was garnished with commute delays, grim uncertainties, and pleasant surprises. The beginnings and the first steps, I believe, are always the toughest. They are probably built on a foundation that might break with the slightest of trepidation. But I pushed my apprehensions and fears into the corner of my mind (only after a few friends forced me to), packed my bags with notebooks and anticipation of adventures and discoveries.


Saturday, November 04, 2017

Stuff I'm dealing with - a personal essay.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Saturday, November 04, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

Stress finds you in the middle of the night, knocks at your window, drags you out of the bed to make you act on the plans that haven't panned out yet. To sum it up, my past week was hectic, annoying, and stressful. I'm going on a retreat in less than two days, and I haven't even gotten to the bottom of my packing so far. People who know me well know that I hate putting these things off until the end; I always like to plan ahead, act ahead, and enter into a calm zen-like mode.

This takes me back to the time I was in college. I was the kid that made notes in the class and went through whatever the professor taught for the day so that the study material never piles up during the examination. You might think what a foresight for a teenager, but I assure you it was more of rescuing myself from my nemesis, the last minute panic. My best friend, Anirudh, would often get vexed with my fixation of making plans much in advance. As a matter of fact, he survived it with a fortitude until he fled the country in search of greener pastures. Now, I'm sure there are others who get pissed at me for my inane (and maybe innate) desire to make a well-laid out plan...even for a weekend meetup. See the problem lies in the fact that I want to be best prepared for all the battles because I hate surprises. Unless they come in purple Steve Madden boxes, of course. Which by all means, you're welcome to usher me with.

With a certain amount of difficulty, I'll bring you back to the present. I am taking a trip, peeps. Which might not excite you as much as it excites me. I'll spare you the details. At least to the point where I find something good enough to make you go red (or green) with envy.

As of now, I'm trying to cut through the chaos and clutter to get set for the upcoming week although all I'm doing is sitting in the corner and weeping. Much like the ado over the spilt milk, I'm mourning the time gone by.

P.S. I hope you're all having a great weekend. While you're at it, I'll go do my chores, write a story, and dream of La La Land.

Here's a song for you, though: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLexgOxsZu0

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

Interlude-2.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Wednesday, November 01, 2017 0 comments Links to this post


Do you have anything new to tell me? About the weather, the sandwich you made this morning or the flowers in your courtyard? I know we've told each other a lot of things - some interesting, some not, some vile, some not, some out of love, and some not. See the thing is, I've heard a lot of things from you and all of them are leading a life of glorified death now. They don't deserve that, you know? The glory, I mean. So, tell me, do you have anything new? Have your words reformed? If no, then please keep them to yourself. I'm not interested. I guess I'll never be interested again.

Monday, October 30, 2017

The shape.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Monday, October 30, 2017 2 comments Links to this post
I've changed the shape of
my heart
far too many times to fit it
in your palms
like how black coffee
twirls and whirls
in cups and mugs
of different shapes and textures,
each time with a new form,
each time with a new aroma,
and yet
remains
strong.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

I'm here.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Sunday, October 29, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

Paint me in the hues of warmth,
swallow me like the Sun would
consume the Moon,
hold on to me like the sea does to
the shore,
trying hard to take everything the shore
has yet failing incorrigibly,
caress me like the Spring touches
the cherry trees,
the point is, I'm here for falling
and rising and lacking and
wanting,
the point is, I'm here for the
misery.


Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Relinquish.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Tuesday, October 24, 2017 1 comments Links to this post

I loved you
to the
point of vanity,
breaking the
thresholds of all
floodgates and inhibitions,
and now,
it refuses
to relinquish,
it merely and starkly
refuses.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Just this.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Sunday, October 22, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

Hold me in your arms
tonight,
I'll not ask for much,
maybe a whisper or two,
and your voice doing that
thing it does to my ears,
it'll dawn on us in a
few hours,
you'll forget the last night
and the time we spent
counting the stars,
the bright Sun will send
its wishes through rays
on your cheeks,
so, please,
hold me in your arms
tonight,
I'll not ask for much,
just this.


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Totally Psyched.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Wednesday, October 18, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Labels and names.

Posted by Sunaina Patnaik at Tuesday, October 17, 2017 0 comments Links to this post

"It's getting dark. I should probably leave."
"No, don't. Stay."
"I need to get home."
"We can order pizza."
"I have to leave."
"With your favourite toppings."
"Please, you need to understand."
"I won't stop you from eating it with ketchup."
"It's over."
"What's over?"
"Us."
"What us?"
"You know what I mean, whatever's between us."
"What do you mean?"
"We cannot do this any longer."
"I don't get it."
"Of course you do! You're just feigning ignorance."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah."
"One pizza won't hurt."
"You know we won't stop with the pizza. We'll hurt each other. That's what we do. That's what we always do. Eating a pizza or doing anything for that matter never remain as a simple task of doing."
"Then?"
"What then?"
"I want to know where you're going with this."
"I'm telling you we'll hurt each other. That's what we do."
"Nonono...that's what you do. That's what you always do. You always have this vapid urge to run from everything you feel strongly about. It's what you do. You drop things cold, mid-way and never look back."
"I'm just not looking for someone I can emotionally invest in."
"But do you ever?"
"It doesn't matter.
"It does. At least to me."
"I don't know why we have to run in circles about everything we do. Do you derive some kind of fun from this?"
"I just want to know."
"Know what?"
"What we were."
"Some kind of an unfinished business."
"Is that it?"
"Yeah, not everything needs labels and names, you know?"



 

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